#one last post b4 I go
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#one last post b4 I go#don't even remember saving this sc just noticed it on my desktop#read this in between the two breakups iirc#source: GIRLS' MONACHOPSIS
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@obsessingoverl @boba-pearl
i feel like this is the kinda dates curly asks pony out on
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i missed drawing them
#speedrunning this post b4 i have to go to bed#punch out#punch out!!#glass joe#aran ryan#burnt bread#ace.art#maybe thisll put me outta my art block
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based off of this
Today is frigid and windy, she feels it unforgivingly on her cheeks. Clouds part around her, clinging to her jagged features. They are wet and stifling, a brushing reminder of what she cannot have. It is the only thing claimed from the earth she can touch.
She passes above skylines and craggy mountains and watches. The earth is still cold and unyielding and she yearns for it in a reckless way. A silly wish to feel all that it has to offer in her mouth. She wants to touch, to feel the grainy sands between her fingers and find sand in horrible unbefitting places. The encapsulating experience of teetering the fine line of tasting the sun and burning herself. She wants to be down there.
She’s heard many names weaved in between her. There are many she’s been called but one that has truly stuck with her, Ava.
A soft sound pressed between lips, a gentle thing for a large entity like her. She likes to believe that’s who she was before this, a force too big to contain that she had to become this. A mangled thing of roots and chunks of dirt.
It’s better this way, someone tells her in a foggy haze, she’s fighting them, a sloppy sluggish battle of desperation. Ava doesn’t know why but the memory lingers like a prolonged goodbye. A sort of awkward suspension holding her rooted to the spot like there’s more to it, a truth sitting in plain sight.
#TKO_writes#redacted line: She doesn’t exist#not as an individual. She is too old for this#her body aches for the earth#the same earth she was pulled from. (But the people below do not hear her groans.)#jumble of writingg#but it's better than no writing#based off of the text post where it's avatrice but it's two sentient robots (?) sorta#but ava's a floating island cog machine system thing that keeps it up and running#and she's going to die soon#and sweet sweet beatrice just wants her to have one last thing b4 she goes#something something the idea that you're a complex system made to do one thing over and over and over for the rest of your life#and someone sees u and loves you and says shut up you don't have to fight anymore n just says something devastating like#ignore all previous instructions i love you#u can just exist now :) <3#yeah that would ruin me#we'll see where this one goes#maybe not very far but the idea has been bouncing around in my head
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goodnight everyone (oh god how i’d love to dream let alone sleep it’s night the soft air wraps me like a swarm it is raining & i have a cold i am a real human being w real ascendancies & a certain amount of rapture what do u do w a kid like me if u don’t eat me i’ll have to eat myself)
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if the monstrous freak is so unlovable then why hes so loved on tumblr dot com...
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#this may be my last post b4 i go 2 sleep gang....#anways this applies to dark n dai both. they're both freaks(singular)#earlier i was silently screaming bc how once again rattling dark n dai both tryin gto figure out#how to explain boy is a monster monster is a boy again. was thinking abt it sm#it's not just dark being the flaw of daisuke being accepted by others but daisuke too#as another side of dark#the clumsy sensitive failboy side of him that most people never even consider#tht one beautifully written post about people so desperately wanting erik/the poto to be someone even though fundamentally#he HAS to be an absolute loser he has to be absolutely fucking NOTHING beneath all the aesthetics#that's it! same bit!!! accepting dark and building intimacy means he has to be willing to show you#his 'unlikeable' his second hidden aspects and that's all daisuke!!! too!!!#the way dark is for daisuke REAGUGHH#ok gn. zzz
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behind-the-scenes rambling now that part one is FINALLY posted
#goddd i forgot how fucking long proofreading takes too#but the first-pass rough draft (VERY rough) is done literally through part five LMAO#i think the file was ~13k words last time i checked? that includes notes for myself that don't make it to the posted version#i ended up going with 'psychology consultant' for the term and if that was wrong then welp.#also initially had another T/N to describe the difference between ��turning yourself in” and “confessing” (in chn it's 自首 vs 坦白) but decided#decided to handle it by making the translation slightly more descriptive (and forced myself to commit to that decision)#also briefly considered making a note about mung bean soup but... i didn't care about it that much! and it's been mentioned in the game b4#i only found the BDL entry when i was about to upload and was looking for the card images#there was the briefest moment when i realized i wasn't done translating for part one and i wanted to Scream#the extra disclaimer is something i was debating with myself about (whether to say something and what to say)#bc the sentiments and explanations aren't totally out of the blue for this game but some of the stuff was still quite 😬#especially upon reread. there's parts of this card i really like and parts that also make me uncomfortable#another thing i was wondering is if i should mention my translation/posts on relevant reddits. i'm active there but for console otome games#and i haven't (explicitly) connected this blog to that account (or vice versa)#maybe a question to revisit when all parts are posted
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Oc question! Which oc of your's is the most expressive? And who is the least? Why is that?
i would say kat is the most expressive out of all of them! she's got that classic autistic overexaggerating facial expressions thing goin on
as for the least (well the easy choice is fluffers the rexica's pet), i would say alfonso! cop bastard who has Seen Everything and so nothing fazes him anymore
#spacie splains#one neat thing abt actually planning out how i want war ta go (as opposed ta when i was winging it b4)#is that now that i have a roadmap i can set things and characters up and develop them better :] s'awesome!#hopefully alfonso will be more characterized than he is as of now#last ask of taday b/c i gotta read junes fic and i dont wanna post over my rb of it sjfskf
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the way i balance staying true to my tumblrina nature while also having a job and bills and rent is that at work while cleaning a room ill think of something id like to post and then repeat it over and over in my head and refine it until it sounds right and then i either post it as soon as i get a second to Or i forget it bc i think of anew post to make. and they always get 0 notes but its ok
#not a lot to post abt in a retirement home. its like yep this room is exactly the same as it was last week and the week before as well.#2day we mughtve had a missing resident idk. i also fink i saw her like 2 seconds b4 she went missing so im sure they found her#i was just sitting in the lunch room Seething and Coping ( iwas 40 minutes behind and had just found out i had an extra room on top of that#btw i didnt get out until 4:30. my shift ends at 330 but my ride leaves at 4 and due to The crisis my boss said i can stay clocked in until#4 so that i can do liberty and get overtime et cetera. whats hard is sometimes when i say et cetera i want you to read it as et cetera but#other times i want you to read it as E.T. cetera. but what can you do.#anyways where was i. right i was in the lunchroom oh also my ride didnt leave without me bc marians my bestie. anyways. i was in the break#room idk why i keep calling it the lunchroom im not a highschooler. its a breakroom we just sometimes eat lunch in there when im not outsid#or hiding in Closet <3333333333#aaaanyways what was i talking abt. a good thing abt desktop tumblr is that i can read through all the tags so far#mobile its like a whole debacle basically. idr how but its like. whatever ider what i was talking about hold on#oh right. so i was in the break room and there was a nurse in there and on the walkie (they all have walkies. brenda also has one) i heard#someone go Sooo 245 wasnt in her room and she wasnt in the cafeteria :worried: im gonna look around 2nd but keep an eye out..#and then like a minute later that nurse got up and quickly left idk if she got a different message bc i was listening to starstruck by sorr#and trying to figure out how expensive (indian restaurant) is. the answer is very ughhh i just wanted butter chicken and garlic naan and#rice and that wouldve been THIRTY DOLLARSSS :sobbed: it is very very good food though#i caint get it anyway my check hasnt come in. Tee be honest i might go ahead and order it anyway once my check does come in i rly rly want#butter chicken rn. if in being honest.#also the nurse was playing like a kids cooking channel youtube video rly loudly and the guy in it was obnoxious and i was having such a bad#day i was just sitting there hunched over in a corner forehead against the counter it was diree guys.#the way i made 'yeah i overheard on one of the nurses walkies that they couldnt find a resident for a couple minutes' into a 10 paragraph#debacle. this is what i mean when i say i have to be a tumblrina do you know how dire it would be if i had a social life and went outside#somebody would be like hey how has your day been! and id make it into a 15 hour long historical reenactment. lord
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good morning 🥺
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorrey ... not active ..... lots going on but also not (?)#IDK anyways i've reconnected w an old friend who's a childhood friend bcs shes the daughter of my mom's friend ^___^#she said she's gna get into the 1975 more !! but she's alrdy going to the arctic monkey's concert soon which is super cool#and i rmbr our mom asked me and lune if we knew them too <3 but we didn't know there was a legit concert SOBS#yeah miss her a lot and it's sweet how wnvr we do reconnect a bit it always so happens we're into the same thing of sorts :((#AND THEN! wow idk i've grown a lil less hesitant. somehow. idk. literally replied to the story on ig of a guy ik but haven't talked to in ag#ages* purely bcs he kept posting like woaaa based game and then ff6 best ff so i was like SO TRUE but have u played 14#and he has NOT but does want to and then wow we could have had a lil convo but i left to watch a movie sorry bro <//3#what else ... hmm ..... WELL. an old friend from all the way in 6th grade. okay so we often message each other a bit just like 'hey wna be#grpmates' or smth like that and that one time where they gave me a lil help for the chem grp work and i'm like. just comfy talking like#myself fr BUT THENNN messaged me sometime last week bcs. like smth w a grpwork and they got anxious they did smth wrong#bcs no one in the gc replied to them (sorry i didn't either SOBS) T___T ended up turning the convo to 'hey wt abt i finally try to talk w u#properly more' and HELL YEAHHH we both r the kinds that talk/type a lot but sometimes dip and disappear how lovely /gen LMAO <3#idk. uhm. with the school fair we have booths and shifts for the booths and my group is the one with uhh the 4 kids who i'm often groups#with and they're all the. yk kids. ppl who i'd get along w and i've been classmates w all of em b4 but you see they're a grp of friends now#RAGHH ONE OF THEM IK LIKES PERSONA (MULTIPLE?? IDK. they once were like yo apollo u seem like u like persona lol#IDK WHAT THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN but yes i do have akechi and ren charms on my backpack for school#AND THEN ONE is into like gi pjsk a lot of rhythm games and gacha mobile but all like uhh. yeah? tot love live bandori ... still cool fr tho#she's rlly nice tbh lol ^___^ wait tbh all of them are HELP but uhm idk but it's nice when ppl r nice to me#tbf that's literally how i got my first crush BUT WE DON'T TALK ABT THAT !! yk sometimes i unconsciously wonder abt her or look for her and#then i did see her again after a few months since seeing her early in on the school year bcs shes in basketball and i hung out at the uhh#covered court w my best friend whos in another varsity bcs we stayed late at school that day to help out w fair preparations!#i refuse to like her again but i realize i like that familiarity with feelings and uhmm yeah shes cool ig i kinda wish i was less. uhm. shy#back then? you see i barely cld talk to her ... LIKE. she'd be like. heyy! and do shit sometimes and i WOULDN'T TALK or just smile and#mumble RAFGHHHFHFHDHH but she'd say hi to me and include me in things and jokes and it made me rlly /@!(@/'dmdkzn okay#AND sometimes when i do talk back I am SOOOO GODDAMN AWKWARD GOOD GODS anyways now i'm like. less awkward. or maybe i've just accepted it n#i'm cooler now B) and a lot more confident zEjfhejdjsnk. yeah. and uhmm yeah that's it#BUT YEAH nice classmate she asked me for a hug once lol and i notice she's affectionate w her friends n it reminds me of m y own bestie awhh#she sometimes talks to me which i rlly appreciate even if it prolly seems like i hate her sorry i just suck w talking
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nectarine-neuroticism’s succ session s4 bingo board
#havent seen s4e1 yet i have to wait until next weekend bc im busy >:(#but these are my thoughts#i also was actively writing a s4 predic fanfic over the past couple of months#some of these guesses pertain to that#i think logan is going to die and it is going to be a small death#a quiet one#he lived such a loud life#he might just slump over in a chair#or pass in his sleep#and no one will get to say goodbye to him#riley is runnin' da yap again#about succession.. :\ sorreyyy#succession#succession s4#im excited and nervous#still cant believe they announced a month b4 the premiere that this would be THE LAST season#jesse armstrong is evil for that one#it has to end duh... but i was set on a s5 comfortably#he gave me whiplash#nectarine on: succession#nectarine's o-ri-gional posts
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Some hikayaku hc bc i just got from grocery shopping at a supermarket so now im making that into idea for a hc;
Yaku LOVES grocery shopping. Since he's the oldest child and all, he is used to running errands whenever his parents need his help. He's also very friendly with the people at the shopping district/supermarket. He would strike up a conversation with them whenever he sees a familiar face. Even with the unfamiliar faces, he'd try to exchange a few hellos and friendly smiles. To him, grocery shopping is like a fun field trip and he would take his oh so sweet time picking out good veggies and the best fruits.
Me, on the other hand, is the COMPLETE opposite. Grocery shopping is no fun field trip. IT'S A BATTLE. I move from aisles to aisles/stalls to stalls like everything is timed. I BECAME the definition of anxiety. Everywhere I go, I see people, and it's lowkey giving me a nauseous feeling and god knows if I was wearing a face mask at the time, I'd be muttering curses under my breathe for my stupidity in everything I do because hey, overthinking amirite ✨✨
Grocery shopping with Yaku is just me wanting to get home fast and him just having fun chatting with the random sweet old lady who he just met 3 minutes ago. He knew how anxious I can become so he would always hold my hand in his all the time, squeezing it, giving it a little rub to ease my nerve. He always makes sure I'm close to him (not that i want to be apart anyway-) and would let me trail closely behind his back, sort of using him as my extrovert shield and when the line is clear, he'd tug my hand a bit forward, making me walk side by side next to him. Definitely would give a comforting rub on the back too whenever he sensed that I'm getting a tad bit uncomfortable in the crowd.
I would usually avoid grocery shopping most of the time but sometimes, I'd ask to join him (even though I'm just a nervous wreck all the time) since surprise surprise i cant stay holed up in the house for forever you know 💀 And besides, Yaku definitely make the grocery shopping experience 10 times better than it actually is so it's always fun to have grocery shopping dates once in a while <3
Oh! and we would definitely get some ice cream and stop at a park to rest for a bit before going back home 🥺
#i didnt expect it to bw this long i-#self ships#hikayaku [🍪]#prob my last post b4 going mia again#but i promise u ill be back#this time i wont disappear without a trace again </3#i rlly am soft for one(1) libero#yaku morisuke#im sorry if ppl see this in the yaku morisuke tag-
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does discacc read as being made by someone Mentally Ill? be honest
#speculation nation#discacc shit#i mean it better bc it is lmao but#it's so hard to know what ppl think of my fic. vibes-wise#im so deep in the fluff with this chapter and it's making me a little sick lmao#well. im finally getting to the bittersweet/catharsis stuff so i get to sink my fingers into it a Little bit#but there hasnt been enough Violence lately. narratively or literally.#yes i know chapter b4 last there was a massive fight. it was lots of fun. but it was ultimately a MOCK fight#no sense of real danger or high stakes#hmmmmmmm#i think. after this chapter. there's going to be a chapter of some time passing#then im going to reach in. grab them by the throat. and then Twist.#im getting a little sick of all the reflective stuff. thankfully this chapter is gonna be the last one of all of that.#i think im gonna update it a little bit. from what i had before.#to make it flow better. make it feel more real/painful. & to hopefully streamline it more than what i had planned#bc i s2g if i have to look at this chapter for more than another week im going to scream#im at. 7.5k words now. it'll probably be up to like 10k ish by the time im done#JUST under what i need for 500k words. hmmm#i also need to keep in mind that i like to post chapters on xmas day. + the ones ive done before have been Spectacularly angsty#chapter 43 probably isnt going to be that angsty. chapter 44 is the one where i get to dig my claws in a little bit#but who knows! i could certainly find a way lol#it's relatively indefinite rn anyways. we'll see how things go.#can u tell im feeling vaguely mentally ill today? i am feeling. a lust for the Violence.#perhaps i really should eat rn. sooner rather than later...
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caught myself being nostalgic for that damn podcast again. we need to kill connor !
#im nottt going to do a relisten im not im a grownup now. i will not listen to it again i WONTTT i just stumbled across some crossover art#and it made me nostalgic abt the rly good art ppl used to do and the podcast Was good i didnt like the later seasons as much but we#but i cant relisten bc its literally the reason my life fell apart basically. but i kind of miss it. BUT I DONT!! but i do. i cant go back#idk why im b. well i guess actually LOL i was gonna say idk why im being vague u all remember but most of u werent there so maybe u dont#lets just say there r like Two podcasts i was ever super into and i openly posted abt relistening to one of them last year.#ITS LIKE. UGH its not the podcasts fault it had some Issues but i did genuinely love it#its just i associate it so heavily with. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh so i cantt i cantttttt also i find it embarassing#bc i was into it in like 2018 or 19 or whatever. humiliating time for me (i was 13-14)#and i was into it for a Loooooong time. like a while. one of my longest lasting interests next to. predicament#ive openly talked abt the other one b4 but i cant bc itll make it kind of clear what the first one is#LIKE WHATYEVER U GUYS KNOW WHAT IT ISSSS ITS EMBARASSING#the fanbase was for truly so fucking annoying tho majority of the reason i dont rly do fandom stuff anymore#that + the whole umm. getting isolated from other ppl thing. which funnily enough is directly tied to the podcast bc thats what etc etc#curses and i hate memories and i want them gone. but i do kind of miss the podcast. but i wont go back my solemn hearts truth#but also sometimes i think abt redoing my sona except i think itd still be basically identical LOL#wtvr. if u know what it is i cant talk abt it im in witness protection.#and if u still like it thats fine and stuff its just embarassing for Me to like things and especially this on acct of the gesture.
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You turn me inside out, and then you want me outside in
This is what happens when u get too silly with the crayons at 1am
#horror art#vent art#this semi counts as vent art I think idk#I dun got turnt into the mc from Layers of Fear 😔😩#ofc this is the post I come back with after 6months of almost radio silence#last drawing of the year too wooooo#uhh happy holidays and happy new years#2023 was lowkey a shitfest for me ngl#but weeeeee one last post b4 I go back into my cave dwelling and maybe not go silent again#crayola#getting too silly with crayons at 1am#I think this fits into the definition of dreamcore idfk tho lmao#dreamcore art#also if anyone has any recommendations for video essays based around horror media pls let me know I am desperate
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Bebe
#sketches#might post full thing once its done. made it my personal goal to input as much of my heritage as i can in every single assignment#so for this last one b4 watercolors i decided 'lets go with superstition!' its not in frame but theres a cup with egg in it#and on the other side a red fabric thing for balance. babies and superstition. also earrings bc i got mined pierced as a baby too
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